>Rainbow bars

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I’m going to tell you a little story (and if you don’t want to listen to this story, please skip ahead to the large font that says Rainbow layer bars). This story is about college universities, and how they knowingly fuck over students because they are, no matter how many times they deny it, money making institutions. Just typing that sentence has my heart pumping. And I can feel the mean spirits I hold toward this one particular university oozing from every inch of my body.

I moved to Denver in July of 2009; signed a lease, got a job, normal things people do when they move. I was admitted into the business school at the University of Colorado and went about my way preparing for the fall 2010 academic term; filling out my FAFSA, in-state tuition petition, scheduling, etc.

1 week into classes I found out the petition I submitted to receive in-state tuition was denied because, a) I failed to obtain a Colorado license 1 year prior to the academic term, b) I failed to register to vote within the state of Colorado 1 year prior to the academic term and, c) I did not file my Colorado state tax return. Needless to say, I was pretty bummed.

I am an information person; I have to know everything. If you’re going to operate on me, I want to know every detail about the surgery – the procedure, what to expect after, etc. Similarly, if you’re going to deny me in-state tuition after I have exceeded the requirements for domicile, I want to see the document that supports your allegations.

I read statute 23-7 at least twenty times. Not one section of that document states one must obtain a license or voter registration 1 year prior to the academic term. So, as I suspected, the first two excuses were unsupported pieces of bullshit. As for the taxes, it clearly states one has to have paid taxes. In my case, paying taxes did not equal filing taxes, because CO owed me a whopping $14 bucks. I filed for an extension because I’m lazy, ok?

Since I was denied, I had the option of appealing the decision and presenting my case to a committee of tuition classification officers from other UC campuses. I went before the committee last Friday and felt I had a pretty good shot at winning this thing. I received the verdict yesterday, via e-mail, and thought to myself, this could either be a really good week, or it could be a really bad week, and this e-mail is going to be the deciding factor.

Rainbow layer bars

1 1/4 c. butter, room temperature
3.5 oz. marzipan (or matzi-pawn, as my Oma says)
1 tsp almond extract
2 eggs, separated, room temperature
1 c. + 2 TBS sugar
1 c. flour
3 TBS almond meal
1/4 tsp salt
1/4 c. apricot preserves
1/2 c. bittersweet chocolate, melted
Food coloring, 2-3 colors

*This recipe requires a stand mixer. And patience. Lots of patience.

• Use whisk attachment and mix egg whites on medium-high speed until stiff peaks form
• Gradually add 3 TBS sugar and continue mixing until peaks turn glossy, transfer to another bowl and set aside
• Fit mixer with paddle attachment and cream butter + remaining sugar
• Add egg yolks, almond extract and marzipan, small chunks at a time
• Add salt, almond meal and flour, 1/2 c. at a time
• Remove bowl from mixer and fold in egg whites, be sure not to over mix
• Divide dough between three bowls, choose food coloring (traditional colors are green, white and red) – I used deep hues of yellow, teal and magenta

Baking:

• Step 1: line 8X8 baking dish with parchment paper; coat with butter
• Step 2: Pour in bowl 1 – don’t worry if it’s lumpy and uneven, the oven will take care it
• Step 3: Remove from oven, transfer to cooling rack – it will look underdone, but a toothpick should come out clean (if not, bake until toothpick comes out clean)
• Step 4: repeat steps 1-3 with remaining bowls of batter (whichever bowl of batter you’re going to bake last, place it in the fridge while the first pan is in the oven; remove it when inserting second pan)

Bake at 350 for 9-10 minutes


Assembling:

• Allow all layers to cool completely, then slather 2 of the layers with apricot preserves (be easy)
• Stack layers on top of one another (the top layer should not be covered in preserves; for those of you duh-ing me, I hear you)
• Cover in plastic wrap, sandwich between two heavy baking dishes and chill in fridge for 8 hours
• Remove from fridge and coat top (sides optional) with melted chocolate, chill for 10 minutes, uncovered
• Remove from fridge, flip and coat other side with melted chocolate, freeze for 20 minutes, uncovered
• Remove from freezer and cut into blocks
• Serve or freeze in an air-tight container

Notes: 

• Make sure the layers are completely cool before you stack them; I was slightly impatient and the layers started bleeding together
• Make sure you freeze the bars before slicing them; again (surprise), I was impatient and their little tops cracked

                                        

I hesitated momentarily, then opened the e-mail and read the first couple of lines.. 

The Appeals Board of the Committee on Tuition Classification has carefully considered the decision rendered by the Tuition Classification Officer. The Board has voted to support your appeal.

Those mother fuckers, now I have to hire a lawyer and deal with fighting a state university in court. And then I’m goi–.. wait, what? I won? I WON! [ Jumps up, screams, does celebratory lap around the apartment, which comes to an abrupt end on the dining room floor, lying in the fetal position, clutching foot. ] I really should be more aware of my surroundings.

My next battle with the the galactic forces of the university? Fighting to get back 3 semesters-worth of transfer credits they rejected because they ‘don’t match up with UCD curriculum’ (yes, UCD, not CUD – no matter how many times you idiots try to convince me otherwise, it’s not consistent; University of Colorado-Denver). Three words: money making institution. Three other words: YOM NOM NOM

PS – greatest cure for a bad week? A very Jackson Avery-esque doctor drawing your blood. Hospitals would be a much more pleasant place if every doctor looked like Jackson Avery.