>Peanut butter cubes

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Lately, I can’t go 24 hours without stirring up a mess in the kitchen. Which would be fine except, there are rainbow bars in the freezer, banana nut cookies in the cookie jar, Nutella cookies in an air-tight container and now, peanut butter cubes in the fridge. The most obvious fix would be to bake less, but since that isn’t going to happen it looks like halving recipes is the only viable option. If you like peanut butter and chocolate, this next recipe is for you. And if you do not like peanut butter and chocolate– well, do those sorts of crazies people even exist?

Peanut butter cubes

1/2 c. creamy peanut butter
1 c. confectioner’s sugar
3 TBS milk
1 tsp pure vanilla extract
2 c. Ghirardelli 60% cacao chips, melted (microwave or double-boil)

• Cream together peanut butter, milk and vanilla
• Add sugar 1/4 c. at a time – mix well

Assembling:

• Line each mold with 1 tsp melted chocolate
• Layer with 1 tsp peanut butter mixture (I formed them into cubes)
• Top with 1/2-1 tsp melted chocolate

Freeze for 20 minutes, then enjoy

                                        

I am not a (good) cook. In fact, I’d eat eggs, toast and cereal until the end of time, if I wasn’t sharing my life with another human being. Although I don’t particularly care for cooking, I do have a killer vegan lasagna recipe that is too good not to share – one that will satisfy even the meatiest of all meat lovers.

Vegan lasagna

6 lasagna noodles, boiled and strained
14 oz. firm tofu
2 c. Boca crumbles
32 oz. pasta sauce
1 medium onion, diced
4 cloves garlic, zoomed
1 TBS thyme + more for sprinkling
1 TBS basil
1/2 tsp cinnamon
2 tsp salt
2 c. mozzarella veggie shreds (or milk-based mozzarella)

• Crumble tofu, thyme, basil, cinnamon and salt in a bowl – set aside
• Spread 1/2 c. pasta sauce on bottom of 11X7 pan, line with 2 noodles
• Layer tofu mixture, Boca crumbles, onions and pasta sauce
• Repeat until you top with last layer of noodles
• Top with pasta sauce, mozzarella, garlic and thyme

Bake at 400 for 55 minutes – cover with foil for 40 minutes, then remove and bake for an additional 15 minutes

* Layer with eggplant, spinach or zucchini, if desired. Also, if you’re using a larger pan, boil 9 noodles.

                                        

I woke up to cloudy Denver today. After weeks, upon weeks, of waking up to sunshine, I couldn’t be more happy. What’s that saying? You can take the girl out of Ohio, but you can’t take the Ohio out of the girl? I wouldn’t be opposed to a dreary Ohio day sometime in the near future. But for now, I think I’ll reap the greatest pleasure of cloudy days: back to bed with my knight in shining poly-cotton, to bask in the laziness of the day.

>Rainbow bars

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I’m going to tell you a little story (and if you don’t want to listen to this story, please skip ahead to the large font that says Rainbow layer bars). This story is about college universities, and how they knowingly fuck over students because they are, no matter how many times they deny it, money making institutions. Just typing that sentence has my heart pumping. And I can feel the mean spirits I hold toward this one particular university oozing from every inch of my body.

I moved to Denver in July of 2009; signed a lease, got a job, normal things people do when they move. I was admitted into the business school at the University of Colorado and went about my way preparing for the fall 2010 academic term; filling out my FAFSA, in-state tuition petition, scheduling, etc.

1 week into classes I found out the petition I submitted to receive in-state tuition was denied because, a) I failed to obtain a Colorado license 1 year prior to the academic term, b) I failed to register to vote within the state of Colorado 1 year prior to the academic term and, c) I did not file my Colorado state tax return. Needless to say, I was pretty bummed.

I am an information person; I have to know everything. If you’re going to operate on me, I want to know every detail about the surgery – the procedure, what to expect after, etc. Similarly, if you’re going to deny me in-state tuition after I have exceeded the requirements for domicile, I want to see the document that supports your allegations.

I read statute 23-7 at least twenty times. Not one section of that document states one must obtain a license or voter registration 1 year prior to the academic term. So, as I suspected, the first two excuses were unsupported pieces of bullshit. As for the taxes, it clearly states one has to have paid taxes. In my case, paying taxes did not equal filing taxes, because CO owed me a whopping $14 bucks. I filed for an extension because I’m lazy, ok?

Since I was denied, I had the option of appealing the decision and presenting my case to a committee of tuition classification officers from other UC campuses. I went before the committee last Friday and felt I had a pretty good shot at winning this thing. I received the verdict yesterday, via e-mail, and thought to myself, this could either be a really good week, or it could be a really bad week, and this e-mail is going to be the deciding factor.

Rainbow layer bars

1 1/4 c. butter, room temperature
3.5 oz. marzipan (or matzi-pawn, as my Oma says)
1 tsp almond extract
2 eggs, separated, room temperature
1 c. + 2 TBS sugar
1 c. flour
3 TBS almond meal
1/4 tsp salt
1/4 c. apricot preserves
1/2 c. bittersweet chocolate, melted
Food coloring, 2-3 colors

*This recipe requires a stand mixer. And patience. Lots of patience.

• Use whisk attachment and mix egg whites on medium-high speed until stiff peaks form
• Gradually add 3 TBS sugar and continue mixing until peaks turn glossy, transfer to another bowl and set aside
• Fit mixer with paddle attachment and cream butter + remaining sugar
• Add egg yolks, almond extract and marzipan, small chunks at a time
• Add salt, almond meal and flour, 1/2 c. at a time
• Remove bowl from mixer and fold in egg whites, be sure not to over mix
• Divide dough between three bowls, choose food coloring (traditional colors are green, white and red) – I used deep hues of yellow, teal and magenta

Baking:

• Step 1: line 8X8 baking dish with parchment paper; coat with butter
• Step 2: Pour in bowl 1 – don’t worry if it’s lumpy and uneven, the oven will take care it
• Step 3: Remove from oven, transfer to cooling rack – it will look underdone, but a toothpick should come out clean (if not, bake until toothpick comes out clean)
• Step 4: repeat steps 1-3 with remaining bowls of batter (whichever bowl of batter you’re going to bake last, place it in the fridge while the first pan is in the oven; remove it when inserting second pan)

Bake at 350 for 9-10 minutes


Assembling:

• Allow all layers to cool completely, then slather 2 of the layers with apricot preserves (be easy)
• Stack layers on top of one another (the top layer should not be covered in preserves; for those of you duh-ing me, I hear you)
• Cover in plastic wrap, sandwich between two heavy baking dishes and chill in fridge for 8 hours
• Remove from fridge and coat top (sides optional) with melted chocolate, chill for 10 minutes, uncovered
• Remove from fridge, flip and coat other side with melted chocolate, freeze for 20 minutes, uncovered
• Remove from freezer and cut into blocks
• Serve or freeze in an air-tight container

Notes: 

• Make sure the layers are completely cool before you stack them; I was slightly impatient and the layers started bleeding together
• Make sure you freeze the bars before slicing them; again (surprise), I was impatient and their little tops cracked

                                        

I hesitated momentarily, then opened the e-mail and read the first couple of lines.. 

The Appeals Board of the Committee on Tuition Classification has carefully considered the decision rendered by the Tuition Classification Officer. The Board has voted to support your appeal.

Those mother fuckers, now I have to hire a lawyer and deal with fighting a state university in court. And then I’m goi–.. wait, what? I won? I WON! [ Jumps up, screams, does celebratory lap around the apartment, which comes to an abrupt end on the dining room floor, lying in the fetal position, clutching foot. ] I really should be more aware of my surroundings.

My next battle with the the galactic forces of the university? Fighting to get back 3 semesters-worth of transfer credits they rejected because they ‘don’t match up with UCD curriculum’ (yes, UCD, not CUD – no matter how many times you idiots try to convince me otherwise, it’s not consistent; University of Colorado-Denver). Three words: money making institution. Three other words: YOM NOM NOM

PS – greatest cure for a bad week? A very Jackson Avery-esque doctor drawing your blood. Hospitals would be a much more pleasant place if every doctor looked like Jackson Avery.

>The greatest chocolate chip cookie recipe, ever

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I woke up at 6 in the AM (that was actually when I started constructing this post), and spent the better part of my morning searching (blindly) around our 900 sq. ft. flat looking for my seeing eyes. There were only so many places they could have been, and I checked each and every one of them. If Thom had been awake, he would have known, but I couldn’t bring myself to wake him at 6am.

Before heading off to the DMV I decided to search the bedroom, in which case I turned on the light and briefly woke Thom. I tried explaining that I was just looking for my glasses; I’d be done soon, but he grumbled and groaned and then pointed to the dressing room. I asked what? And he murmured, they’re on the ledge, in a robot voice. What do you know, they were on the freaking ledge. It never fails: every time I lose misplace my glasses, Thom knows where they are.

I recently returned from workation on the Cape, and let me tell you, although I enjoyed the time away, I did not enjoy the bugs or the humidity, the fact that people from MA drive like maniacs and I especially did not enjoy the fact that my morning Hello! was, in most cases, ignored. Assholes.

What I thought was going to be a vacation chock-full of nannying, drunk people and good food, actually turned out to be filled with all of that, and (drum roll please) baking!!!!!! I had to be resourceful though, folks. Really resourceful. Few ingredients and limited utensils were an obstacle, but one that I overcame with the help of a wine bottle and a make-shift tart pan.

The only ingredients in the rental house were flour, sugar, butter, eggs and vanilla. We had tons of berries on hand, so I decided a pie was really the only thing within the realm of possibility. However, there was no rolling pin to roll the dough for the crust, so I roamed the house, desperately searching for anything cylindrical and sturdy; shampoo bottle? Too flimsy. Drinking glass? Too short. Child’s toy? Gross. Wine bottle? That’ll do it!

The pie was less than perfect looking, but I was OK with it considering the fact I didn’t have an actual rolling pin. According to the recipient of the pie, it was gone before she even got a chance to dig into it, so I’m going to go ahead and assume it was tasty.

I decided to take on pie baking again, partly to see if I could make a better pie with my limited resources, and mostly because I was dying to bake something; anything. After I started making the dough I realized the pie plate had disappeared, leaving me to be even more resourceful than the first time: I made sweet tarts in a cupcake pan.

These turned out better than the pie, for some odd reason. The crust was perfect; flaky yet moist, and had a very distinct butter flavor. They were gobbled up within a few hours so, again, I’m going to assume based solely on that fact, they weren’t too awful tasting.

I only baked 2 days of my entire stay, and knew my kitchen was going to be in for it when I got home. I woke up yesterday morning and immediately got to work with my favorite appliance. I had decided the night before that I was going to make cupcakes, cookies, and some sort of tart for Thom, since I had never made them for him before.

I searched the cupboards and found an unopened jar of marshmallow fluff. I really wanted to make s’mores cupcakes, but realized that would require a trip to the grocery (and I didn’t feel like putting on pants). I decided to make vegan dark chocolate cupcakes with marshmallow frosting, and then garnish them with sprinkles or fruit. I always prefer baking vegan cupcakes over non-vegan ones, not because I can eat them, but because they always come out moist and, I’m going to say it, perfect.

The aroma from the cupcake batter got me as soon as I added the dark cocoa: I was going to lick the whisk at the end of the mixing process. I never lick the whisk. But damnit, I rested the whisk in the bowl and it toppled onto the floor. I contemplated picking it up and licking it (uh, 5 second rule), but realized that would probably result in me barfing into the kitchen sink, on a heaping pile of dishes. Which I guess I could have left for Thom to clean, right?

The cupcakes turned out exactly as I had hoped, the icing, not even close. It was entirely too runny for my liking, and there is only so much confectioner’s sugar you can add until the icing becomes too sweet. So, I decided to throw in my piping bag and use a spatula to smear the cupcakes (generously) with icing. Next time I’ll use less butter, and omit the agave, and hope that’ll aid in thickening the icing.

I wish you could taste this cupcake. Saying it tastes amazing doesn’t do it justice. It tastes like an explosion of chocolatey goodness in your mouth; rich, moist and flavorful. I have deemed this recipe my go-to chocolate cupcake recipe, and you should too. I’ve been awfully demanding of that lately, haven’t I?

Vegan dark chocolate cupcakes

1 c. almond milk (or any other milk substitute)

1 1/2 tsp apple cider vinegar

1/3 c. canola oil

1/2 c. granulated sugar

2 TBS agave nectar

2 tsp pure vanilla extract

1/2 c. cocoa powder

1 1/4 c. unbleached flour

1/2 tsp baking powder

1 tsp baking soda

1/4 tsp salt

The process:

– Combine milk and vinegar, allow to sit for 5 minutes

– Add oil, sugar, agave and vanilla – whisk well

– Add cocoa, flour, baking soda, baking powder and salt – whisk well

– Fill cupcake liners 2/3 full 

Bake at 350 for 18-22 minutes (huge gap, I know – just monitor them after 18 minutes)

                              

Marshmallow frosting

2 TBS butter
1 TBS agave nectar

1 1/2 c. marshmallow fluff

1/2 tsp vanilla

1-2 c. confectioner’s sugar (add until icing is no longer runny)

..and a dash of salt

Mixing:

– Combine all ingredients and whisk the hell out of them – or, do yourself a favor and use an electric or stand mixer.

 

I have made upwards of 100 batches of chocolate chip cookies since I started baking, and these are, by far, the greatest chocolate chip cookies I have ever made. I used organic brown sugar, which is super moist in comparison to your average brown sugar, so I’m thinking that’s what did the trick.

Best ever chocolate chip cookie recipe

3/4 c. butter, at room temperature

1 1/4 c. organic brown sugar

1/2 c. granulated sugar

1 1/2 tsp pure vanilla extract

1 egg + 1 egg yolk, at room temperature

3-4 c. flour (or until dough is firm)

1/2 tsp baking soda

1/2 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp salt

1 1/2 c. chocolate chips (more or less, as desired)

Mixing bowl:

– Whisk butter for 1 minute, then add eggs

– Add vanilla and sugar – whisk well

– Add baking soda, baking powder and salt – whisk well

– Incorporate flour 1/2 c. at a time – mix with wooden spatula

– Add chocolate chips

**Disclaimer** do not refrigerate dough in the mixing bowl – dough should be firm enough to roll onto baking sheet immediately

Baking:

– Line baking sheet with parchment paper and use a cookie scoop (or your hands) to form balls

– Press the balls down until they are flat – don’t press too hard, just give them a nice, firm squish

– Place baking sheet with cookie dough in the refrigerator and chill the dough for at least 5 minutes prior to going into the oven (this will help them to retain their shape)

Bake at 350 for 12-14 minutes (13 minutes worked perfect for me)

I am sorry. I hate catch-up posts, and this is already picture/recipe overload, but I promise I only have one more. And it’s for pie! A pie crust that is better than your grandma’s, I bet.

I steered clear of pies until a few months ago. I don’t know why, because I’ve come to find I’m a damn good pie architect. Is that the right word? Maybe pie artist is a better title. Either way, I like to think I’m fairly decent at constructing pies. And this recipe could definitely give your granny’s a run for her money.

Flaky pie crust

1/2 c. butter
1/2 c. non-hydrogenated shortening
1/4 tsp salt
3 c. flour
6 TBS water (or more if dough is too tough)

Mixing/preparation:
– Cut flour and salt into butter and shortening (if you have a pastry cutter, use that)
– Add water 1 or 2 TBS of water at a time and combine until mixture turns to dough
– Roll into ball, cover in plastic and place in fridge for 90 minutes

Bake at 400 for 40-50 minutes, with filling and covered with foil for the first half in the oven

                              

Pie filling

I don’t have a recipe for this, but I typically cook down fresh fruit and add a generous amount of sugar and 2 TBS of corn starch (mixed with a small amount of water so that clumps do not form) while the mixture is still on the stove. Once you’re finished, refrigerate for an hour or so.

Trust me, I hate that more than you do; jamming posts is no fun, especially since I have to leave out little bits and pieces from my day just to squeeze in all of the major details. I think tomorrow I’ll bake a cake. I rarely ever make cakes, but I am in the mood for something light and fluffy – it’ll be chocolate-something, I just don’t know what. And I’ll probably bake more cookies, because I’ve already given away 90% of the batch I baked yesterday.

I caught Cedric red handed. Err, chocolate nosed? Clearly I need to teach him how to eat like a civilized gnome being, but until then I think I’ll let him sport that chocolate nose, at least for a few more days.