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>Maple + bacon

21 Oct

>

In case you couldn’t tell, I’ve been on a serious vegan kick lately. It took 3+ years of baking with eggs and dairy to realize that if I just leave out the animal by-products, I can enjoy my baking, too. For the longest time, when people would come over, they’d be all like Hey, are you going to try these cookies? And I’d be all like Are you kidding? That thing will reck havoc on my innards [while sitting there staring at them creepily (and living vicariously) while they devoured my delicious creation]. But now? People are all like Hey, are you going to try these cupcakes? And I’m all Listen, I ate 7 before you arrived. Some things never change.

Maple and bacon are all the rage lately. I completely understand, because one of my favorite meals snacks is two vegan sausage patties smothered in maple syrup (with a mimosa on the side). I can imagine bacon would provide a similar, mouth watering experience, but I don’t eat anything that goes oink (or moooo). Anyways, I’ve seen maple-bacon doughnuts, maple-bacon cookies and maple-bacon cupcakes – sadly, none of them have been vegan. I’m going to have to change that.

Vegan maple-bacon cupcakes

3/4 c. almond milk
1 1/2 tsp apple cider vinegar
1/2 c. cane sugar
1/4 c. maple agave nectar
1/4 c. maple syrup
1 1/2 tsp pure vanilla extract
1/4 c. + 2 TBS coconut oil
2 c. unbleached flour
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp baking soda
2 tsp baking powder

  • Combine almond milk and cider vinegar, let sit for 10 minutes – do not stir
  • In separate bowl, whisk together sugar, agave nectar, maple syrup and vanilla extract
  • Slowly incorporate oil – set aside
  • In separate bowl, sift together flour, salt, baking soda and baking powder
  • Create a well in the center of dry mixture – pour in both bowls of wet ingredients 1/2 at a time, alternating between the milk mixture and sugar mixture
  • Whisk mixture until all ingredients are incorporated (2-3 minutes)
To bake:
  • Line cupcake pan with paper liners
  • Fill liners 1/2-2/3 full with batter

Bake at 350 for 15-16 minutes

Recipe yields approximately 2 dozen cupcakes

Notes: If you don’t have maple agave nectar, use regular agave nectar. Do not substitute additional maple syrup for the agave nectar – you will get tough, muffin-like cupcakes (trust me, because the original recipe I wrote, and tested, called for 1/2 c. maple syrup instead of equal amounts of maple and agave).

                                        

Vegan maple frosting

1 c. non hydrogenated shortening
3 TBS maple syrup
2 TBS almond milk
1/2 tsp pure vanilla extract
2 c. confectioner’s sugar
1 dash of salt
3-4 strips of Smart Bacon (to garnish)

  • Beat shortening at high speed for 1 minute
  • Incorporate confectioner’s sugar 1/2 c. at a time
  • Add salt and all wet ingredients
Garnish with Smart Bacon.

>Rainbow bars

15 Sep

>

I’m going to tell you a little story (and if you don’t want to listen to this story, please skip ahead to the large font that says Rainbow layer bars). This story is about college universities, and how they knowingly fuck over students because they are, no matter how many times they deny it, money making institutions. Just typing that sentence has my heart pumping. And I can feel the mean spirits I hold toward this one particular university oozing from every inch of my body.

I moved to Denver in July of 2009; signed a lease, got a job, normal things people do when they move. I was admitted into the business school at the University of Colorado and went about my way preparing for the fall 2010 academic term; filling out my FAFSA, in-state tuition petition, scheduling, etc.

1 week into classes I found out the petition I submitted to receive in-state tuition was denied because, a) I failed to obtain a Colorado license 1 year prior to the academic term, b) I failed to register to vote within the state of Colorado 1 year prior to the academic term and, c) I did not file my Colorado state tax return. Needless to say, I was pretty bummed.

I am an information person; I have to know everything. If you’re going to operate on me, I want to know every detail about the surgery – the procedure, what to expect after, etc. Similarly, if you’re going to deny me in-state tuition after I have exceeded the requirements for domicile, I want to see the document that supports your allegations.

I read statute 23-7 at least twenty times. Not one section of that document states one must obtain a license or voter registration 1 year prior to the academic term. So, as I suspected, the first two excuses were unsupported pieces of bullshit. As for the taxes, it clearly states one has to have paid taxes. In my case, paying taxes did not equal filing taxes, because CO owed me a whopping $14 bucks. I filed for an extension because I’m lazy, ok?

Since I was denied, I had the option of appealing the decision and presenting my case to a committee of tuition classification officers from other UC campuses. I went before the committee last Friday and felt I had a pretty good shot at winning this thing. I received the verdict yesterday, via e-mail, and thought to myself, this could either be a really good week, or it could be a really bad week, and this e-mail is going to be the deciding factor.

Rainbow layer bars

1 1/4 c. butter, room temperature
3.5 oz. marzipan (or matzi-pawn, as my Oma says)
1 tsp almond extract
2 eggs, separated, room temperature
1 c. + 2 TBS sugar
1 c. flour
3 TBS almond meal
1/4 tsp salt
1/4 c. apricot preserves
1/2 c. bittersweet chocolate, melted
Food coloring, 2-3 colors

*This recipe requires a stand mixer. And patience. Lots of patience.

  • Use whisk attachment and mix egg whites on medium-high speed until stiff peaks form
  • Gradually add 3 TBS sugar and continue mixing until peaks turn glossy, transfer to another bowl and set aside
  • Fit mixer with paddle attachment and cream butter + remaining sugar
  • Add egg yolks, almond extract and marzipan, small chunks at a time
  • Add salt, almond meal and flour, 1/2 c. at a time
  • Remove bowl from mixer and fold in egg whites, be sure not to over mix
  • Divide dough between three bowls, choose food coloring (traditional colors are green, white and red) – I used deep hues of yellow, teal and magenta

Baking:

  • Step 1: line 8X8 baking dish with parchment paper; coat with butter
  • Step 2: Pour in bowl 1 – don’t worry if it’s lumpy and uneven, the oven will take care it
  • Step 3: Remove from oven, transfer to cooling rack – it will look underdone, but a toothpick should come out clean (if not, bake until toothpick comes out clean)
  • Step 4: repeat steps 1-3 with remaining bowls of batter (whichever bowl of batter you’re going to bake last, place it in the fridge while the first pan is in the oven; remove it when inserting second pan)

Bake at 350 for 9-10 minutes


Assembling:

  • Allow all layers to cool completely, then slather 2 of the layers with apricot preserves (be easy)
  • Stack layers on top of one another (the top layer should not be covered in preserves; for those of you duh-ing me, I hear you)
  • Cover in plastic wrap, sandwich between two heavy baking dishes and chill in fridge for 8 hours
  • Remove from fridge and coat top (sides optional) with melted chocolate, chill for 10 minutes, uncovered
  • Remove from fridge, flip and coat other side with melted chocolate, freeze for 20 minutes, uncovered
  • Remove from freezer and cut into blocks
  • Serve or freeze in an air-tight container
Notes
  • Make sure the layers are completely cool before you stack them; I was slightly impatient and the layers started bleeding together
  • Make sure you freeze the bars before slicing them; again (surprise), I was impatient and their little tops cracked

                                        

I hesitated momentarily, then opened the e-mail and read the first couple of lines.. 

The Appeals Board of the Committee on Tuition Classification has carefully considered the decision rendered by the Tuition Classification Officer. The Board has voted to support your appeal.
Those mother fuckers, now I have to hire a lawyer and deal with fighting a state university in court. And then I’m goi–.. wait, what? I won? I WON! [ Jumps up, screams, does celebratory lap around the apartment, which comes to an abrupt end on the dining room floor, lying in the fetal position, clutching foot. ] I really should be more aware of my surroundings.

My next battle with the the galactic forces of the university? Fighting to get back 3 semesters-worth of transfer credits they rejected because they ‘don’t match up with UCD curriculum’ (yes, UCD, not CUD – no matter how many times you idiots try to convince me otherwise, it’s not consistent; University of Colorado-Denver). Three words: money making institution. Three other words: YOM NOM NOM
PS – greatest cure for a bad week? A very Jackson Avery-esque doctor drawing your blood. Hospitals would be a much more pleasant place if every doctor looked like Jackson Avery.

>S’mores, transformed

1 Sep

>

Cedric asked me for a new hat this morning. He said that his was getting old, and that he wanted a straight and crisp hat, like Raphael Poulain’s gnome wears (somebody’s been watching too much Amelie). I tried explaining that it’s not possible to get him a new hat, as his is attached to his head, but he insisted we go look.

Before we left for Gnome Outfitters, I iced a batch of cupcakes while Cedric annoyingly peered over my shoulder. When I was finished, he hopped up onto the cake stand to compare his hat to the peaks of icing. To my surprise, he changed his mind about wanting a new hat. Apparently cupcakes have that effect on people gnomes.

I decided late last night that I wanted to make s’mores cupcakes. These next three months are going to be filled with a lot of pumpkin, so I realized I need to make other traditional, non-pumpkin fall desserts to make up for the massive amount of pumpkin desserts you’ll be seeing between now and the end of November (sorry in advance).

Crumbles

2 c. crushed graham crackers
6 TBS butter, melted
2 TBS agave nectar
1/2 c. semi-sweet chocolate chips

  • For graham crumbles, crush graham crackers (I used graham sticks) into a fine crumble and mix in butter and agave
  • For chocolate crumbles, slice chocolate chips into chunks
                                        

Basic chocolate cupcakes

1 c. almond milk (or any milk alternative)

1 1/2 tsp apple cider vinegar

1/4 c. canola oil
2 tsp pure vanilla extract
2 eggs

1 c. sugar

1 TBS agave nectar

3/4 c. cocoa powder

1 c. cake flour

1 tsp baking soda

1/2 tsp baking powder

1/4 tsp salt

  • Combine milk and vinegar, let sit for 5 minutes
  • Add oil, eggs, sugar, agave and vanilla – whisk well
  • Sift together flour, cocoa powder, baking soda, baking powder and salt – whisk into mixture
                                        

Marshmallow fluff frosting

6 egg whites
1 1/2 c. granulated sugar
1/2 c. confectioner’s sugar
1/2 tsp cream of tartar
1 TBS corn syrup
2 tsp pure vanilla extract

  • In a heat-proof bowl over boiling water, stir egg whites and granulated sugar until the mixture becomes warm and sugar has dissolved (4-5 minutes)
  • Remove from heat and transfer to electric mixer (I used my stand mixer fitted with the whisk attachment) – mix on medium speed for 3 minutes
  • Add cream of tartar and confectioner’s sugar – mix on high speed for 3 minutes
  • Add corn syrup and vanilla – continue mixing on high speed until icing forms stiff peaks


                                        

Assembling the s’mores

Step 1:

  • Prepare the crumbles and cupcake batter
  • Line pan with cupcake liners
  • Press 1 TBS of graham crumbles into the bottom of the liners (pack the graham crumbles like you would brown sugar while measuring)

Bake at 350 for 3 minutes

Step 2:

  • Fill cupcake liners to the brim with batter
  • Sprinkle graham crumbles and chocolate crumbles on top of the batter

Bake at 350 for 18-22 minutes

Step 3:

  • Once the cupcakes have cooled, prepare the icing
  • Pipe icing onto cupcakes using a giant star pastry tip
PS – I am now the proud owner of, not one but, two Vic Firth bakery rolling pins. Big thanks to Teej and Lacey.

>The greatest chocolate chip cookie recipe, ever

5 Aug

>

I woke up at 6 in the AM (that was actually when I started constructing this post), and spent the better part of my morning searching (blindly) around our 900 sq. ft. flat looking for my seeing eyes. There were only so many places they could have been, and I checked each and every one of them. If Thom had been awake, he would have known, but I couldn’t bring myself to wake him at 6am.

Before heading off to the DMV I decided to search the bedroom, in which case I turned on the light and briefly woke Thom. I tried explaining that I was just looking for my glasses; I’d be done soon, but he grumbled and groaned and then pointed to the dressing room. I asked what? And he murmured, they’re on the ledge, in a robot voice. What do you know, they were on the freaking ledge. It never fails: every time I lose misplace my glasses, Thom knows where they are.

I recently returned from workation on the Cape, and let me tell you, although I enjoyed the time away, I did not enjoy the bugs or the humidity, the fact that people from MA drive like maniacs and I especially did not enjoy the fact that my morning Hello! was, in most cases, ignored. Assholes.

What I thought was going to be a vacation chock-full of nannying, drunk people and good food, actually turned out to be filled with all of that, and (drum roll please) baking!!!!!! I had to be resourceful though, folks. Really resourceful. Few ingredients and limited utensils were an obstacle, but one that I overcame with the help of a wine bottle and a make-shift tart pan.

The only ingredients in the rental house were flour, sugar, butter, eggs and vanilla. We had tons of berries on hand, so I decided a pie was really the only thing within the realm of possibility. However, there was no rolling pin to roll the dough for the crust, so I roamed the house, desperately searching for anything cylindrical and sturdy; shampoo bottle? Too flimsy. Drinking glass? Too short. Child’s toy? Gross. Wine bottle? That’ll do it!

The pie was less than perfect looking, but I was OK with it considering the fact I didn’t have an actual rolling pin. According to the recipient of the pie, it was gone before she even got a chance to dig into it, so I’m going to go ahead and assume it was tasty.

I decided to take on pie baking again, partly to see if I could make a better pie with my limited resources, and mostly because I was dying to bake something; anything. After I started making the dough I realized the pie plate had disappeared, leaving me to be even more resourceful than the first time: I made sweet tarts in a cupcake pan.

These turned out better than the pie, for some odd reason. The crust was perfect; flaky yet moist, and had a very distinct butter flavor. They were gobbled up within a few hours so, again, I’m going to assume based solely on that fact, they weren’t too awful tasting.
I only baked 2 days of my entire stay, and knew my kitchen was going to be in for it when I got home. I woke up yesterday morning and immediately got to work with my favorite appliance. I had decided the night before that I was going to make cupcakes, cookies, and some sort of tart for Thom, since I had never made them for him before.
I searched the cupboards and found an unopened jar of marshmallow fluff. I really wanted to make s’mores cupcakes, but realized that would require a trip to the grocery (and I didn’t feel like putting on pants). I decided to make vegan dark chocolate cupcakes with marshmallow frosting, and then garnish them with sprinkles or fruit. I always prefer baking vegan cupcakes over non-vegan ones, not because I can eat them, but because they always come out moist and, I’m going to say it, perfect.
The aroma from the cupcake batter got me as soon as I added the dark cocoa: I was going to lick the whisk at the end of the mixing process. I never lick the whisk. But damnit, I rested the whisk in the bowl and it toppled onto the floor. I contemplated picking it up and licking it (uh, 5 second rule), but realized that would probably result in me barfing into the kitchen sink, on a heaping pile of dishes. Which I guess I could have left for Thom to clean, right?
The cupcakes turned out exactly as I had hoped, the icing, not even close. It was entirely too runny for my liking, and there is only so much confectioner’s sugar you can add until the icing becomes too sweet. So, I decided to throw in my piping bag and use a spatula to smear the cupcakes (generously) with icing. Next time I’ll use less butter, and omit the agave, and hope that’ll aid in thickening the icing.
I wish you could taste this cupcake. Saying it tastes amazing doesn’t do it justice. It tastes like an explosion of chocolatey goodness in your mouth; rich, moist and flavorful. I have deemed this recipe my go-to chocolate cupcake recipe, and you should too. I’ve been awfully demanding of that lately, haven’t I?
Vegan dark chocolate cupcakes
1 c. almond milk (or any other milk substitute)
1 1/2 tsp apple cider vinegar
1/3 c. canola oil
1/2 c. granulated sugar
2 TBS agave nectar
2 tsp pure vanilla extract
1/2 c. cocoa powder
1 1/4 c. unbleached flour
1/2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt

The process:
– Combine milk and vinegar, allow to sit for 5 minutes
– Add oil, sugar, agave and vanilla – whisk well
– Add cocoa, flour, baking soda, baking powder and salt – whisk well
– Fill cupcake liners 2/3 full 
Bake at 350 for 18-22 minutes (huge gap, I know – just monitor them after 18 minutes)

                              

Marshmallow frosting
2 TBS butter
1 TBS agave nectar
1 1/2 c. marshmallow fluff
1/2 tsp vanilla
1-2 c. confectioner’s sugar (add until icing is no longer runny)
..and a dash of salt

Mixing:
– Combine all ingredients and whisk the hell out of them – or, do yourself a favor and use an electric or stand mixer.


 
I have made upwards of 100 batches of chocolate chip cookies since I started baking, and these are, by far, the greatest chocolate chip cookies I have ever made. I used organic brown sugar, which is super moist in comparison to your average brown sugar, so I’m thinking that’s what did the trick.

Best ever chocolate chip cookie recipe
3/4 c. butter, at room temperature
1 1/4 c. organic brown sugar
1/2 c. granulated sugar
1 1/2 tsp pure vanilla extract
1 egg + 1 egg yolk, at room temperature
3-4 c. flour (or until dough is firm)
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
1 1/2 c. chocolate chips (more or less, as desired)
Mixing bowl:
– Whisk butter for 1 minute, then add eggs
– Add vanilla and sugar – whisk well
– Add baking soda, baking powder and salt – whisk well
– Incorporate flour 1/2 c. at a time – mix with wooden spatula
– Add chocolate chips
**Disclaimer** do not refrigerate dough in the mixing bowl – dough should be firm enough to roll onto baking sheet immediately
Baking:
– Line baking sheet with parchment paper and use a cookie scoop (or your hands) to form balls
– Press the balls down until they are flat – don’t press too hard, just give them a nice, firm squish
– Place baking sheet with cookie dough in the refrigerator and chill the dough for at least 5 minutes prior to going into the oven (this will help them to retain their shape)
Bake at 350 for 12-14 minutes (13 minutes worked perfect for me)
I am sorry. I hate catch-up posts, and this is already picture/recipe overload, but I promise I only have one more. And it’s for pie! A pie crust that is better than your grandma’s, I bet.

I steered clear of pies until a few months ago. I don’t know why, because I’ve come to find I’m a damn good pie architect. Is that the right word? Maybe pie artist is a better title. Either way, I like to think I’m fairly decent at constructing pies. And this recipe could definitely give your granny’s a run for her money.

Flaky pie crust

1/2 c. butter
1/2 c. non-hydrogenated shortening
1/4 tsp salt
3 c. flour
6 TBS water (or more if dough is too tough)

Mixing/preparation:
– Cut flour and salt into butter and shortening (if you have a pastry cutter, use that)
– Add water 1 or 2 TBS of water at a time and combine until mixture turns to dough
– Roll into ball, cover in plastic and place in fridge for 90 minutes

Bake at 400 for 40-50 minutes, with filling and covered with foil for the first half in the oven

                              

Pie filling

I don’t have a recipe for this, but I typically cook down fresh fruit and add a generous amount of sugar and 2 TBS of corn starch (mixed with a small amount of water so that clumps do not form) while the mixture is still on the stove. Once you’re finished, refrigerate for an hour or so.

Trust me, I hate that more than you do; jamming posts is no fun, especially since I have to leave out little bits and pieces from my day just to squeeze in all of the major details. I think tomorrow I’ll bake a cake. I rarely ever make cakes, but I am in the mood for something light and fluffy – it’ll be chocolate-something, I just don’t know what. And I’ll probably bake more cookies, because I’ve already given away 90% of the batch I baked yesterday.
I caught Cedric red handed. Err, chocolate nosed? Clearly I need to teach him how to eat like a civilized gnome being, but until then I think I’ll let him sport that chocolate nose, at least for a few more days.

>Meet Cedric

14 Jun

>

I was awoken this morning by the sound of a running shower, and was very confused; either I had slept in late or Thom was up very early.  Turns out it was both – I’m usually up around 7 and he sleeps well past 10.  It’s summer, so I can’t really blame him.

As a consolation for beating me out of bed, I decided to let Thom choose which type of cookies I would bake today.  Not to mention, it’s not fair for the person who never eats them to always decide, you know?  I told him any cookie on the planet, and to my surprise he chose ‘Pecan Sandies’.  I’ve never made aforementioned cookie, but have always been interested because of the use of confectioners sugar in the actual batter.  Making this cookie opened my eyes to a plethora of things I can now do with my baking.  SO.MANY.THINGS.

Pecan shortbread

1/2 c. butter, softened
1/2 c. oil
1/4 c. sugar
1/4 c. light brown sugar
1/2 c. sifted confectioners sugar
1 egg
1/2 tsp pure vanilla extract
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp cream of tarter
2 c. + 2 TBS unbleached flour
1 c. chopped pecans
2 TBS sugar for coating (optional)

Mixing bowl:
Beat butter and oil until creamy with whisk or electric mixer
– Add sugars, whisk
– Add egg and vanilla, whisk
– Add salt, baking soda and cream of tarter, mix with spatula
– Add the flour, mix with bamboo spatula
– Add pecans
– Roll dough into small balls, sprinkle sugar over top and place on a cookie sheet lined with parchment paper (I’m not a fan of rolling cookies in sugar; I prefer to control the amount of sugar through ‘sprinkling’)

Bake at 375 for 10-11 minutes, recipe yields 2 dozen





Prior to having a
KitchenAid stand mixer, I mixed everything by hand with a rubber spatula, and as a result, wound up breaking many of them due to the fact that they are not tough enough to withstand the thickness of the dough.  That’s why I advised you to work with a bamboo spatula (or wooden spoon).  Invest in one of the two and you’ll be golden.

Thom has been gone since late-morning and has no idea there is an entire jar of cookies awaiting his arrival.  By the way, this is Cedric (pronounced ‘said-rick’), our little gnome friend. Cedric has been guarding the cookies with his life since they came out of the oven.  Don’t worry, pal, I’m not going to eat one.

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