>Welp

>I packed up my mixing bowls last night.  And my hand mixer, and my stand mixer, and all of the other tools necessary for baking, which means I am officially done making a mess in the kitchen until Saturday.  I did it on purpose, you know, as a test.  In hindsight, it was a pretty sick and twisted thing to do.  Good thing I’ve taken up knitting.  Matter of fact, I think I’ll knit and watch Star Wars episode IV tonight.  When are you going to learn that I’m simultaneously an 80 year old and a 10 year old, trapped in a 22 year old’s body?

By the way, has anyone seen Hagrid?  I have a superfluous amount of cookies for him, amongst other things.  I’m assuming his giant, burley self is indoors, attempting to escape the heat.  But Jesus, Hagrid, when I tell you I’m going to bring you baked things regularly, you need to let a lady know of your whereabouts.

Oh and, I get my camera back tomorrow; it was only $135 to replace the casing.. $#*&@%^! No more letting Sam use the camera as a throw toy.

>Common misconceptions (and PBCs)

>Every time someone finds out I’m a baker, the first (or maybe second) thing that comes out of their mouth is: but how do you stay so thin? Most times I lie and say good genes to avoid the awkward/lengthy conversation, but anyone who has seen my family knows that is not the case (no offense, guys). And to be quite honest, I find it offensive that, based on preconceived notions, people expect me to be heavier. So, do you still want to know how I stay so thin?

1) I lift a 22 pound Sam on a regular basis, and take him on miles upon miles of walks each week. Gina can vouch.

2) I don’t drive, I ride my bike.

3) I eat healthier than 95% of the beings in the galaxy. It’s not hard to avoid anything containing butter when you know your stomach’s going to churn for 2 weeks post indulging.

And for crying out loud, I am 22 years old. At this ripe, old age, all you have to do is eat right and you’re golden. 

Thin bakers exist. Now mind your own business.

News:

I’ve been experimenting with royal icing (a lot) lately, and came up with an idea:  send 1 dozen sugar cookies, iced with white royal icing, to artists to turn them into edible art (essentially).  For the longest time it was just a thought I pushed to the back of my mind, until one day I worked up enough courage to ask an old friend (Ben) a favor: to my surprise, he obliged.  And a few days after I sent them, I received these via e-mail:

I love that he did the molecular structure of glucose. I also really love that he agreed to turn my cookies into edible art. You can find Ben here and here.

I got a little ballsy and decided to pitch my idea to a well known street artist.  2 weeks after I sent the e-mail I got a reply from one of his assistants (yes, plural) saying that she loved the idea and would mention it to him (the street artist). I have no idea where the project stands as of now, but if he agrees I will probably poop my pants. POOP MY PANTS, PEOPLE.

Baking and such:

I haven’t been baking as much as I’d like, partly because it has been 90+ degrees out, and mostly because  I’m in the process of moving.. 4 blocks up the street. It’s a cute, little place with a mud room, claw foot tub and french doors. And, if I wanted, I could throw a rock and hit the Capitol building.

To make up for being lazy in the kitchen, I’ve found it best to just bake 4 or 5 things in one day, which makes Thom crazy. And also makes me seem slightly insane.

Raw cacao brownies, vegan (tart) blackberry pie, peanut butter cookies, Retro Darth cookies and dark chocolate peanut butter cookie dough brownies. Recipes later, ok?

I’ve also been doing a lot of experimenting with peanut butter cookies; how to make them flat and crispy, flat and chewy, thick and cakey, etc. I’ve had success with the first two, and today I plan on working on the latter. I used to be the master of making thick, cakey peanut butter cookies, but ever since we moved to the mile high I haven’t been able to master them like I did at sea level.

I’ve also decided to start freezing cookie dough so that Thom will not be cookie deprived when I leave for vacation at the end of July. He hasn’t tried to bake the frozen dough yet (probably because I’ve been baking more than he can consume) but I’m anxious to see how they turn out. And if this idea works, I’m going to whip up several batches of dough to keep on hand for unexpected guests. Or, you know, in case Thom gets a random craving but doesn’t want 3 dozen cookies. Please, freezer, don’t kill my cookies.

My mind is in so many other places right now.

>Dad

>

There is no love greater than the love I have for my father.  Let’s motor.

>I hope Hagrid likes coconut

>

Touchdown Jesus is no more.  I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad, but mostly I find it really fucking ironic.  An enormous statue of Jesus was struck by lightening and burnt to the ground.  I don’t know what Jesus should be more embarrassed about, the fact that there was a tacky, 60 foot statue modeled after him, or the fact that it was constructed out of the same materials as the dollhouse I used to play with as a little girl.  I’d venture to say a man like Jesus would be opposed to a statue like that.  In fact, He probably burnt it down on purpose to teach you people a lesson; He fed the hungry and healed the sick, and someone thought it proper to honor Him by building a statue?  A statue, really?

____________________

I was riding my bike home from the bank yesterday when I saw Hagrid for the forth or fifth time.  Hagrid is not really his name, but he is this giantesque, scruffly, homeless man who walks around my neighborhood, and looks just like the groundskeeper from Harry Potter (by the way, I had to explain Harry Potter to Thom yesterday, using Star Wars termonology – SERIOUSLY).  Since I was already planning on making cookies, I figured I’d ask him if he wanted anything.  I was 3 or 4 blocks away from him at this point, and by the time I worked up enough courage to turn around and ask him, a garbage truck cut me off, so I headed home.

For some reason, I couldn’t get this man out of my head; how humiliating it must be to be a homeless man in our society, a man who cannot provide for a family, let alone for himself.  And then here I am, this young lady who demands all things KitchenAid in her self-taught world of baking, who can’t stand to use shampoo that isn’t Aveda, who won’t even eat wilted lettuce.  I should be ashamed.

Hagrid has a usual hang out spot in our neighborhood, perched right between 7-Eleven and Sexy Pizza.  Since we planned on walking in that direction anyway, Thom suggested I pack a bag of cookies for him.  I spotted Hagrid from a block away and my brain went all sorts of crazy:  Is he going to think I’m weird?  Does he even like cookies?  Ok, you’re being ridiculous, who doesn’t like cookies?  But what if he’s allergic to nuts?  Before I knew it we were there, so I, awkwardly I’m sure, approached him and asked if he wanted some cookies.   He stared at me like I was the one carrying my belongings around in a plastic garbage bag.  It took me what seemed like 5 minutes to put down my belongings and search for them, but when I pulled out the bag filled with cookies his face lit up and I caught a glimpse of what looked like a smile beneath his unruly, facial hair.

I hope that made his day, because it made mine.  I laid in bed last night sobbing; wondering if he had a place to sleep, if his belly was full, etc.  I am pathetic.  But I decided that whenever I make cookies, I’m going to pack a bag for Hagrid anytime I leave the house.  You know, just in case I see him.  And if I don’t, well, chances are I’ll probably track him down.  Never pinned me as the type to stalk a homeless man, eh?

Today I made those cupcakes I promised such a long, long time ago, sans good quality photos.  Unfortunately my camera suffered a fall a few weeks ago and I decided it was time to send it in for repairs.  These cupcakes are so delicious that I licked the batter from the bowl.  I never lick the batter from the bowl.

Chocolate coconut cupcakes

1 1/4 c. coconut milk
1/2 c. granulated sugar
2 eggs
1 TBS agave nectar
1 tsp pure vanilla extract
2 tsp coconut flavor
1/3 c. coconut oil (if you don’t have it, no big deal – I didn’t use it for my first batch)
1 c. unbleached flour
1/2 c. cocoa powder
1 1/4 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp salt

Mixing bowl 1:
– Sift together flour, cocoa, baking powder and salt, set aside

Mixing bowl 2:
– Whisk together coconut milk, eggs, sugar, agave, vanilla extract, coconut flavor
– Stir in the coconut oil
– Add mixing bowl 1 in thirds

Bake at 350 for 25 minutes

____________________

Chocolate coconut frosting

2 TBS butter, room temperature
1/3 c. coconut milk
1/2 tsp coconut flavor
5 oz. semisweet/bittersweet chocolate, melted
1/2 c. confectioners sugar (or more)
1/4 c. + 2 TBS cocoa powder
Top with shredded or flaked coconut

In bowl:
– Whisk butter and coconut milk for 1 minute
– Add melted chocolate and coconut flavor, whisk
– Mix in confectioners sugar and cocoa with a spatula, add confectioners sugar until the icing has reached desired consistency

* Do not make this icing until all of the cupcakes are ready to ice – it thickens within 20 minutes

Update:  I took a plate of cupcakes to Hagrid (argh, I forgot to get his real name).  He told me the cookies I brought him yesterday were the best cookies he’s ever had, and that he really appreciated them because he’s not eating well.  I couldn’t talk long because tears were running down my face, and that’s the last thing he needed to see, but I told him thank you and that I’d be bringing him baked goods every time I baked.  I sobbed the entire way home, wishing there was more I could do for him.  He probably doesn’t know it, but he is changing my life.

>Meet Cedric

>

I was awoken this morning by the sound of a running shower, and was very confused; either I had slept in late or Thom was up very early.  Turns out it was both – I’m usually up around 7 and he sleeps well past 10.  It’s summer, so I can’t really blame him.

As a consolation for beating me out of bed, I decided to let Thom choose which type of cookies I would bake today.  Not to mention, it’s not fair for the person who never eats them to always decide, you know?  I told him any cookie on the planet, and to my surprise he chose ‘Pecan Sandies’.  I’ve never made aforementioned cookie, but have always been interested because of the use of confectioners sugar in the actual batter.  Making this cookie opened my eyes to a plethora of things I can now do with my baking.  SO.MANY.THINGS.

Pecan shortbread

1/2 c. butter, softened
1/2 c. oil
1/4 c. sugar
1/4 c. light brown sugar
1/2 c. sifted confectioners sugar
1 egg
1/2 tsp pure vanilla extract
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp cream of tarter
2 c. + 2 TBS unbleached flour
1 c. chopped pecans
2 TBS sugar for coating (optional)

Mixing bowl:
– Beat butter and oil until creamy with whisk or electric mixer
– Add sugars, whisk
– Add egg and vanilla, whisk
– Add salt, baking soda and cream of tarter, mix with spatula
– Add the flour, mix with bamboo spatula
– Add pecans
– Roll dough into small balls, sprinkle sugar over top and place on a cookie sheet lined with parchment paper (I’m not a fan of rolling cookies in sugar; I prefer to control the amount of sugar through ‘sprinkling’)

Bake at 375 for 10-11 minutes, recipe yields 2 dozen

Prior to having a KitchenAid stand mixer, I mixed everything by hand with a rubber spatula, and as a result, wound up breaking many of them due to the fact that they are not tough enough to withstand the thickness of the dough.  That’s why I advised you to work with a bamboo spatula (or wooden spoon).  Invest in one of the two and you’ll be golden.

Thom has been gone since late-morning and has no idea there is an entire jar of cookies awaiting his arrival.  By the way, this is Cedric (pronounced ‘said-rick’), our little gnome friend. Cedric has been guarding the cookies with his life since they came out of the oven.  Don’t worry, pal, I’m not going to eat one.

>Real food, not cookies

>Add rectangular cookie cutters to the list, folks, because just like coconut extract, those apparently don’t exist either.  I spent the better part of today in search of said cookie cutters and wound up going home with nothing even remotely rectangular shaped.  I searched Williams-Sonoma, Sur La Table (where two sales associates find it necessary to ring up one customer), Crate and Barrel, Sears, Bed, Bath and Beyond and World Market.  How is it that I searched two of the most well-known baking retail locations, yet neither of them had a rectangular shaped cookie cutter?  What if someone wanted to make sugar cookies, of all 32 flags of the countries participating in the World Cup, for their boyfriend?  As if making cookies and icing from scratch isn’t enough, now I have to make my own cookie cutter?  Pft!  By the way, you can get Ateco rectangular cookie cutters on Amazon – they’ll be here on Thursday!

Despite not being able to find the cookie cutters, I did discover this sweet, little market tucked perfectly behind Bed, Bath and Beyond: World Market, ever heard of it?   Their foreign candy selection made me happier than finding $20 in my coat pocket.  Mathematically speaking, it would go a little something like this: dark chocolate Toblerone + 15 different kinds of Haribo = one happy girl

In case you were busy (like me) searching for things that don’t exist in the real retail world, Germany won today, 4-nil.  And to celebrate, Thom and I had a German feast fit for a King and Queen:

Don’t make fun of my salt’n’peppa shakers.  I let Thom make the bretzeln (German pretzels), as he is much better at it than I.  But I volunteered to make the kartoffelklosse (potato dumplings) because I had never made them before.  And guess what?  They’re simple, and delicious, and healthy, and, and, and.. Thom’s belly loved them.

Kartoffelklosse

2 lbs russet potatoes

1/4 c. non-dairy milk (or cow’s milk)

2 tsp salt

1 tsp nutmeg

3 egg yolks

1/2 – 3/4 c. unbleached flour

– Peel potatoes and boil for roughly 30 minutes

– Strain, smash and mix in the milk, salt and nutmeg

– Refrigerate until cold – roughly 1 hour

– Remove from fridge, mix in egg yolks and flour – if dough is still sticky add flour 1/4 c. at a time

– Roll into balls and boil in water for 10 minutes (if they’re not floating by the time 10 minutes has passed, allow them to boil for 15 minutes, but no longer)

*Store your leftover egg whites in a container and use them for an omelet or scramble the next morning.

Bretzeln

2 TSP yeast

2 c. water

1 TBS brown sugar

4-5 c. unbleached flour

*Also set out oil, baking soda and sea salt

In bowl:

– Dissolve yeast in 1/3 c. hot water – until foamy or 10 minutes

– Mix in the rest of water, sugar and flour – stir/knead until elastic

In separate bowl:

– Oil bowl with 1 tsp oil, roll dough around in bowl

– Cover with damp towel, let dough rise until doubled – roughly 30 minutes

– Knead, let rise again for 20-30 minutes

On stove:

– Boil 4-8 c. water, add 1 TBS baking soda per cup of water (add after water is boiling)

– Dip pretzels in soda water for 10 seconds, remove, place on cookie sheet and sprinkle with salt

Bake at 450 for 10 minutes

Yom nom nom, I am in a total food-coma right now.  If you’re reading: HI POPS! I miss you!

>Channeling Helene Dujardin, kind of

>

Today is going to be a day of epic baking (and cooking!) proportions: German-inspired macarons (that really aren’t all that German), German chocolate cupcakes, sauerkraut, bratwurst, bretzeln and kartoffelklosse – seriously good eats.  Thom’s running around the house in his German football jersey, me in my Oktoberfest apron, and we have decided that every time the German’s play we’re going to have a huge German feast.  My Oma would be so proud.

____________________

I’ve been putting off making macarons for quite some time because, well, you know.  Every week, for the past month, I’ve been setting out new eggs to achieve room temperature and I always wind up using them for some other baking-related project.  Which, in all honesty, is just me subconsciously avoiding the whole macaron battle.

I walked into the kitchen this morning and the eggs, which had reached room temperature 2 days ago, were staring at me, almost as if they were begging me to use them in something delicious.  I buckled and decided it was time to face my fear: I hate failing, and making macarons hasn’t exactly been a walk in the park.  But, as Helene Dujardin said, it takes a lot of time and practice, and even the most experienced macaron makers flop at times.  Well, it also takes lots of money, you see.  Because I’ve spent $75+ on macaron ingredients since I’ve started making them, and they have only turned out once.  And I don’t like wasting money.  Especially not when I’m a poor college student.

But I’m not a poor college student.  I just find it rather humorous when college kids use that as an excuse; you can’t complain about eating dry cereal and ramen for dinner every night when you’re wearing a $200 pair of jeans.  Are Levis not good enough to wear to class?  Because I’ve found that Levis make my butt look good.  Really good.  Better than the $200 pair of J Brands Thom got me for Christmas.  Wewh, I feel better.

I started off the whole process on the wrong foot; using the paddle attachment to mix the meringue instead of the whisk.  By the time I realized my mistake, the meringue had been mixing for a good 5 minutes, and any longer would lessen the chances of macaron success.  But, it was either throw in the towel or cross my fingers, so I crossed my fingers and whisked the meringue until the stiff-peaks formed.

Amazing that egg whites and granulated sugar, when whisked to the extreme, form that thick, glossy meringue, eh?  I’m in awe every time.  Macarons really aren’t that difficult to make, it’s just that there is something so funky and particular about their process that makes perfection damn near impossible for macaron beginners, like myself.  I’ve got to say, prior to entering the oven, they didn’t look too shabby and I was actually very, very hopeful that they’d turn out despite my mistake.

The timer went off and.. they were a total flop.  But it’s ok, because I knew exactly what I did wrong.  Maybe I should have channeled Helene Dujardin while listening to Yann Tiersen.  Yes, that’s exactly what I’ll do next time.  And I will be sure to use the whisk attachment, not the paddle.  See, it’s all a learning experience.  I can try again tomorrow, and the next day, and the next, until their little feet are perfectly aligned with their bodies.

WAAHHH, I’m going to use this pent-up frustration on the lady at Williams-Sonoma who sold me those awful decorating pens.  She had better think twice before telling me I’m not allowed to return them.  I am a force not to be reckoned with today.  Somebody call and warn her.

>Zucchi goodness

>

I made it!  Well, not really.  I baked early yesterday morning, I just didn’t post.  Ha, gotchya!

Zucchini cookies

1/2 c. butter
1 tsp oil
1/2 c. sugar
1/2 c. light brown sugar
3 TBS sour cream
1 egg
1 tsp pure vanilla extract
1 c. grated zucchini
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp baking powder
2 – 2 1/2 c. unbleached flour
1/2 c. whole wheat flour
2 c. rolled oats
1/2 – 1 c. nuts, raisins and/or chocolate chips (optional)

Mixing bowl 1:
– Sift together flours, cinnamon, salt, baking soda and baking powder, set aside

Mixing bowl 2:
– Cream together butter, oil and sugars
– Beat in the sour cream
– Beat in egg
– Add vanilla and zucchini
– Fold in mixing bowl 1
– Add oats (and nuts/raisins/chocolate chips if you are using)

The possibilities are endless with this cookie – I made one plain batch, one batch with chocolate chips and one batch with raisins.  I think next I’ll substitute almond extract for the vanilla, and add dried cherries and slivered almonds, mmm!

Line baking sheet with parchment paper and Bake at 350 for 12-14 minutes  – recipe yields roughly 3 doz. cookies when using a cookie scoop.

Tomorrow: German-inspired macarons – you know, for the World Cup?

>Liar, liar, pants on fire

>

I started cutting strawberries tonight and immediately thought pie.  I’ve never made a pie, you know.  And since Thom was so excited about Boba Fett sugar cookies that turned out, well, not so pretty, I figured I’d surprise him with a pie. In case you’ve been keeping count, that’s two batches of cookies, one batch of brownies and a pie in the past 24 hours.  I guess if I want to be sneaky about trying to fatten him up, I should probably take it easy on the baking, no?

I got completely finished making the dough when Thom came downstairs and ruined my surprise:

Thom: What are you making?

Ashlae: Pizza crust

Thom: For dinner?

Ashlae: For dinner tomorrow

Thom: Ok, well, what do you want for dinner tonight?

Ashlae: Turkey burgers?

Thom: Ok, and I’ll cut up some berries and make a berry medley salad

(I walk over to the strawberries, pick them up and look at him with a grin)

Thom: What?

Ashlae: I.. I’m.. I’m making a pie. For you.

Thom: Oh man, I ruined the surprise!

Uh, yeah, surprise ruiner.  But it’s ok, his face lit up like a little kid on Christmas morning when I told him I was making strawberry pie just for him. So that was worth it.

I would give you the recipe, but I honestly just threw whole wheat pastry flour, salt, margarin and cold water together in a bowl (for the crust), then boiled the strawberries in a small amount of water, agave nectar and corn starch (for the filling).

Not too shabby for my first pie, I don’t think. And it won’t hurt my belly! I’ll fill you in on that whole mess later.

Ok, I am seriously done baking until the weekend.  I really promise this time.

>Star Wars

>

I grew up with 5 brothers, and as my therapist pointed out today: I am a tomboy.  A tomboy who almost always wears skirts and dresses, however.  But a tomboy none-the-less.  I love Star Wars, am fascinated with bodybuilding and am entirely too competitive for my own good (seriously, I was racing fully-equipped road bikes on my one-speed cruiser today).

Anyways, I was web-surfing last evening and stumbled upon the greatness that is Star Wars cookie cutters (pictured above).  And not those cheapie, metal cookie cutters – nice, spring-loaded ones (big ass grin).  I just recently learned how to pipe and flood cookies with royal icing (thanks to Bridget at Bake @ 350) and decided to use my newly acquired skills to ice these bad boys – err, bad idea.  I definitely should have started with something simpler, like, a square?

Seriously, what a disaster.  I really think it would have went over much better if I had more than one #1 tip – I was changing bags, tips and couplers like crazy, and threw in the towel after my failed attempt at decorating Boba Fett (which was a total flop because I let the sales woman at Williams-Sonoma talk me into purchasing black and white decorating pens, pft).  Don’t even get me started on trying to mix colors to achieve Yoda-green or Boba Fett-blue; my hands look like that of a small child who just finished finger painting.

Anyways, the cookies themselves (sans the icing) turned out perfect; every intricate detail of the characters that was clearly visible prior to baking was still visible once they came out of the oven, and that made me pretty happy.  I used the recipe that came with the set, fighting the urge to use my own, and it is actually a decent sugar cookie recipe (not as good as mine, but you know).  Which reminds me, one reviewer of these cookie cutters, per the Williams-Sonoma website, was very upset because he or she purchased pre-made dough and the details vanished once they came out of the oven – some people are.. not the brightest crayon in the box?  There’s a reason the set came with a recipe, you know.

So, although the icing didn’t go over so well, I am still pretty happy I snagged these guys.  Not to mention, I’m going to get myself 10-20 #1 and #2 tips and take another whack at the icing part. I’ve got to perfectly ice a Boba Fett cookie for Thom.

Star Wars cookies

2 1/2 c. unbleached flour
1/2 tsp. salt
3/4 c. butter
1 c. sugar
1 egg
1 1/2 tsp pure vanilla extract

*All ingredients must be at room temperature

Mixing bowl 1:
– Sift together flour and salt, set aside

Mixer:
– In a mixer equipped with the paddle feature, cream the butter on high for 2 minutes
– Reduce to medium speed and slowly add the sugar until light and fluffy
– Add the egg and vanilla and beat for 1 minute
– Add half of mixing bowl 1 at a time, stir until the dough pulls away from the side of the bowl

Prepping:
– Divide the dough in half and wrap each half in plastic wrap
– Refrigerate the dough for at least 2 hours (no longer than 2 days)
– Remove the dough from the refrigerator and let stand for 5 minutes before before rolling out (don’t be alarmed if your dough cracks around the edges)

Bake @ 350 for 12 minutes, rotating 180 degrees half way through

*Allow cookies to cool before icing

____________________

Royal icing

3 egg whites, room temperature
4 1/2 cups confectioners sugar
1/2 tsp cream of tarter
Pinch of salt
A few drops of lemon juice (optional)

Mixer:
– Mix all ingredients on low speed (except the lemon juice) in a mixer fitted with the whisk attachment (if you don’t have a stand mixer, use a hand mixer or whisk)
– Add lemon juice (if using) and increase speed to medium-high
– Continue beating (roughly 5-7 minutes) until the mixture forms stiff peaks

____________________

I recently discovered how cluttered my kitchen is.  And when I broke the pepper grinder yesterday, I decided it was time to get my crap together, and look what I did!

Voila!

Organization feels great.  Now, if only I could gather myself work on our linen closet..

That’s all for now, you probably won’t be hearing from me for a few days because I’m on Sam-duty for the rest of the week.  And for the record, I’d pick Sam-duty over baking any day, or baking with Sam; best of both worlds.